The following is a short-film script I wrote a few years back. I kept planning these big projects that I would publish as my "Big Announcement" to stop fucking around and start posting videos on YouTube consistently, but my perfectionism always got in the way. Nothing was ever good enough. So, I thought I'd bash irony on the head with that and write a little script about my perfectionism. I thought that would SURELY be the thing to light the fire under my ass and get me going and creating. Ironically, I didn't think the script was good enough to post; so here it is under the "Scrapped" section of my shitty little website. Lastly, to everyone who knows me IRL, they would know that the interviewee is obviously me, right off the bat. However, some things are made up for narrative purposes and some things are closer to the way I saw my life going at the time I was writing this.
My review: This script is corny as hell. Comes off way too unskilled to be THIS pretentious. OOoooo The whole thing is actually an internal dialogue about self-doubt. Yeah no duh. You weren't subtle AT ALL. Also, what's with the giant monologue? I get that I was trying to give the impression that this woman is intimidating becuase of constant barrage of hurtful insight that cuts too deep, but OH MY GOD, what a bunch of BLAH BLAH BLAH. Honestly, I feel like anyone who reads this sees where I'm TRYING to go with this, but I completely lack the writing skills to get where I'm trying to go. Or maybe I'm being too harsh on myself and this could actaully be good with talented actors and a good director.
Interviewer:
Hi. Miss Takako. Welcome.
Interviewee:
Hi. Thank you for having me.
Interviewer:
Please, Have a seat.
Interviewee:
Thank you.
Interviewer:
So. Tell me a little about yourself and your background…And don’t be afraid to get a little personal
Interviewee:
Well, I’m an ambitious person. In high school, I would always be the one upset to get a 99% on a test. I was trying to go to Harvard. I would spend hours and hours on a single assignment, just make sure its perfect. Oftentimes, I would create extra credit projects for myself. I was in the math team, chess club, debate team, you name it. I ended up graduating with a bachelor’s in Business Administration at the college down the road.
Interviewer:
Impressive. What do you currently do for work?
Interviewee:
In my current line of work, I manage a team of data analysts to create marketing strategies. I find myself doing most of the work to maintain quality control. Sometimes I look at my teammates and think colleges are just giving degrees to anyone. I thought my last job was my dream job, but I guess not. I hope to find what I’ve been looking for here.
Interviewer:
May I ask what you do outside of work?
Interviewee:
I’m currently doing home workouts to lose weight. My friends and I would go to the beach every weekend, but I don’t really have a bikini body so to speak.
Interviewer:
I know that feeling.
Interviewee:
I used to play a lot of tennis, but I’m no good, so I kinda stopped. My friends are all super good though. Occasionally I will go out with them to a bar or something while they pressure me to date. But I highly doubt a man is looking for a 5’2” 120 pound woman with stretch marks. But yeah. I have a fair amount of fun.
Interviewer:
It certainly seems like it. I love a good girls night as much as the next person. So what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Interviewee:
I think my biggest weakness is that I don’t push myself as hard as I could. I feel like I cou-
Interviewer:
Wrong. Try again.
Interviewee:
What? I really think that’s my biggest weakness.
Interviewer:
I know you do. And I can already tell you’re wrong. So…as I said…try again.
Interviewee:
I guess I have bad people skills?
Interviewer:
That’s not it. Try again.
Interviewee:
No offense, but I don’t think you can just assume who I am and tell me I’m wrong. I think it’s extremely disresp-
Interviewer:
You’re an ambitious person, I’ll give you that. But let me tell you your biggest weakness; You’re a chronic perfectionist. Tell me if I’m wrong, but here’s the way I see it. In high school you set unrealistic standards for yourself and you wouldn’t even let yourself be satisfied with only getting 1% wrong on a test. You would spend hours and hours trying to perfect your assignments, but since you would have a lot of assignments and were in all your clubs, I’m gonna guess you had a lot of late and missing work. I’m going to also go out on a limb here and say that’s why you created those extra credit projects. You wanted to boost your grade so you could get into Harvard. But you didn’t finish those on time either, did you? You ended up with poor grades from trying to get straight A’s. And that’s why you went to the local college, despite dreaming of Ivy Leagues. Now, you pity yourself so much, you even started looking down upon your colleagues. You tell yourself that they’re incompetent just to make yourself feel a little less like a failure. You even managed to justify mocking them in this interview. You do all their work because the thought of them even getting a single report 1% wrong eats you up inside. You’re a perfectly pretty looking woman with a perfectly average body. But the slightest bit of pudge makes you sick. When you see a mirror, you see a disgusting failure. So you stop going out to the beach with your friends, not just to hide your body, but to hide your shame. So do you go to the gym or run around your neighborhood? No. Then, there would be witnesses to your struggle, your imperfections, your short-comings. So then you insist on doing home workouts so you can hide in your little cave. You’re so afraid of anyone seeing you as anything less than perfect, you even stopped playing tennis with your friends. Your hyper-analysis and over-criticism of everyone and everything has stopped you from doing the things you love, being with people who care about you, being content with what you have, and exploring opportunities outside of your comfort zone. Now…Am I right?
Interviewee:
I don’t think it’s really been restricting me that much…Has it?
Interviewer:
Has it? Tell me why you have a million unfinished projects and scripts. Your telling me it’s not because you’ve been nitpicking them for years trying to make every second, frame, millisecond, pixel, perfect? You’re telling me that’s not it? Are you telling me that’s not why you spent 14 hours on your 1st YouTube video, just to scrap it and replace it with monkeys? You’re telling its not just because you thought “Well if its bad on purpose, I can’t fail”?
Interviewee:
You’re right. No more excuses
No more excuses